Warning: life is risky!

Wow. An article in today’s edition of the Vancouver Sun gives us quite a newsflash: U.S. government researchers reveal that pets can be dangerous to your health. To whit: one could trip over the leash while walking one’s dog, or a water bowl could spill, resulting in a dangerously wet floor. One could (shudder) sprain a wrist.

About a third of dog-related falls happened because the person tripped over the dog (hey, it happens) one-quarter just while walking (what does this mean??)  one-fifth because the dog pulled them over (get a Halti, take a class, or don’t get a Mastiff if you weigh 120 pounds, how ’bout that?) 3% while running from the dog (idiot) and 0.5% while breaking up a fight (just let Darwinism work here.) Two-thirds of cat-related injuries are from tripping over the cat (shit happens, move on) 12% involved chasing it (why? Just why?)

The article goes on to detail the worst perpetrators (88% dogs, 12% cats) the largest age group injured (children under 14) and the worst-injured group (people age 75 and over). If I understand correctly, this research informs us that when kids play with pets – dogs mostly – they sometimes fall down and skin their knees. Old people who play with pets might fall down and break their hips.

The researchers went on to offer tips on avoiding such catastrophes, suggesting people educating themselves on how a pet behaves during “risky activities such as walks.” Obedience training is highly recommended, as is ensuring that rooms with a lot of pet and human traffic be well-lit.

To think that just last night, when we were curled up in the family room watching The Office, our safety and well-being was in jeopardy. Not only was the room dimly lit, but we had three dogs and a couple of cats lurking nearby, just waiting to trip us or spill water in our direction. (You know how much pets love being stepped on.)

Now you’ve wasted nearly as much time on this subject as I have.

If I’m still chasing my dog at 75, I’ll take the risk of breaking a hip, thank you very much.