Things I Hate Today

Has this ever happened to you? You’re going about your day, minding your own business, your body doing all it’s usual breathing and digesting with absolutely no conscious instruction on your part. Then suddenly your epiglottis gets distracted, misses a cue and there you are: choking on your own spit.

Not just a little tickle, either. I’m talking about the alarming fits that are especially precious during funerals and  job interviews. I had to leave the front row of a crowded – and silent – lecture hall this past weekend at the Surrey International Writers’ Conference for one of these interludes. Thank you, body. That’s not quite how I envisioned earning name recognition.

I can understand inhaling food or beverages. That’s just inappropriate multi-tasking – the choker was probably talking with a full mouth. I’ve done that too. Karma. I get it.

But spit? With no warning? There’s no reason for that!

And why do these episodes usually progress to full-blown, tears-streaming down your face, voice gone, coughing fits that only end with that horrible gag-belch-cough?

I hate it when that happens.