Back on the weight loss plan…

I’m back on the weight loss plan, with Herbal Magic, that is. I joined in spring, 2007, lost 23 pounds and kept it off for over a year. Then, well, it all started to go sideways. I blame my good friend Miss Vickie. And her Mexican cousin, Dorito. And my genetic tendency to bake cinnamon buns when experiencing stress.

And last but not least, Maui. Look at the photos. See the one with the fondue? I think I gained 5 pounds that night. It was awesome. See all the photos with us raising umbrella-festooned glasses? That frothy stuff? Fat, booze and sugar. With pineapple on the side, so we can call it health food.

Now, I know I’m not really overweight. At 5’7″ tall, I can hide a fair bit of poundage, as long as I wear drapy tops. By the insurance charts, I should weigh between 120 and 150. I was nearing 170 when I decided to do something about it and I’m glad I did. A tendency to overweight runs in my family, as does hypertension.

But dieting is a “heavy” issue for me. Taking the plunge took me back to a place I was reluctant to visit. In my late teens and early 20s, I was fortunate enough to receive psychiatric treatment from an eating disorder specialist. Dr. Thakur probably saved my life or at least changed its direction. So, I know about obsessive eating and dieting and what kind of mental torture a person can put herself through in the quest for perfection of one kind or another.

Me, I ate to “stuff down” those bad, bad feelings that a person has when she doesn’t like or even know herself very well. Then I purged to get rid of it all. Worked well. Until I discovered that a) a person could kill herself that way and b) there’s a better way. You can learn to face life, even the tough stuff.

Now I’m a grown up, with kids the age I was when I was bulimic. They know about this part of my history, even though I don’t talk about it much. It’s uncomfortable. Embarrassing, even. I mean, really. What a disgusting thing to do. But we all have a dark side, an ugly, disgusting, incompetent, frightened, inadequate side. I got to know mine early on and learned to look after her, like the needy child she was (and sometimes still is.)

And I continued to take care of myself. I ate well, properly, and enjoyed myself. I exercised and thanked my lucky stars that I hadn’t permanently screwed up my metabolism. I decried every diet as a “four letter word that starts with DIE!”

Then I hit forty.

For the first time in my adult life, my weight began to creep upwards for no apparent reason. I still exercised but it wasn’t enough. First I wore size 8 jeans. Then size 10. Then I had to buy size 12s. Again, not terribly overweight. But, given my particular history and body and brain, I weighed more than I should have.

That’s when I did it the first time. Herbal Magic is probably no better or worse than any diet plan, but it worked for me. If I hadn’t gotten lazy – especially in Maui! – I’d have kept it off. (Seriously, I really enjoyed that fondue.)

For the record, I’ve been sticking to the plan since Friday. That’s five whole days. I’ll keep you posted. Maybe I’ll even put up a photo, once I’m back into those size 8 jeans!