Day 28 A Good Mennonite Girl Breaks the Silence
Posture number 14, of the 26 in the Bikram series, is called Wind-Removing Pose (or Pavanamuktasana. I can’t say it, but I can spell it. Even if I couldn’t, who’d know??) It looks like this:
And if there’s any little effervescence hanging around your colon, let me tell you it’d take a bionic sphincter to keep it in. Hence the name.
But, fortunately this is not the silence I broke.
I shushed Ken and Barbie. Yes, I did.
It was the beginning of class, the initial savasana, and they were lying side by side, whispering and canoodling and giggling, all of which is strictly verboten.
Well, alright, there’s a bit of lee-way with the whole silence rule; sometimes newcomers aren’t sure where to put the mat (you might recall me mentioning this issue earlier) or they start to ask questions in a somewhat panicked sotto voce: “Is the fan broken? It’s not supposed to be this hot, is it? I think I’m going to throw up.” Etc.
So you quietly comfort and reassure them that yes, the heat is deliberate and no, they won’t puke if they shut up, lie still and breathe. But mostly, shut up.
But this was not the sort of twittering Ken and Barbie were doing. I tolerated it, breathing deeply, until suddenly, something inside me broke.
“SSSSSHHHHHH!!!!!”
I shocked myself. You see, I was not brought up to make waves. My biggest goal in childhod was to be invisible, to avoid the spotlight, to always run with my back against the wall, like a mouse in daylight. I did not run out in the open, with the popular crowd, and I certainly did not shush them.
It’s kind of a cultural thing; Mennonites may not have invented martyrdom, but we’ve certainly perfected it (we’ll claim mediocrity if you ask, however.) We may frown in silent judgement, but we don’t talk about people. Or even to people, unless they’re fellow Mennos. We endure. We suck it up. We huddle together and eat pie. And even though I haven’t been a good Mennonite girl for decades now, the lessons of early childhood are hard-wired in me.
So, while Ken and Barbie will never know who shushed them, I still felt like I’d broken through some psychological barrier in my little brain. Hey, it might be small but it’s my victory.
Erin Brockovich, kickin’ ass and takin’ names, that’s me.
Day 27 Must. Have. DOUGHNUTS.
Today’s afternoon class was a breeze, despite Ken and Barbie in the back row. More about them tomorrow.
But after class, I overheard Juliette, the instructor, talking to one of the newcomers who was asking about weight loss. “Most people actually gain weight when they first start Bikram yoga,” explained Juliette. She happened to say it during a lull in the general ruckus of water gulping and shoe gathering, and as one, every pudgy female eye turned toward her in silence. “Muscle weighs more than fat,” Juliette added quickly, “so you’ll still look smaller.” The quiet lengthened and grew more dense, like the air before a tornado. “But you will lose weight eventually,” she continued, rather desperately, “as you continue your practice.”
So I guess I almost had it right the other day. Except I should have said Yoga: Guaranteed Weight Gain.
All I know is I’m damn hungry these days. I spent my final savasana planning my route to the bank for cash to pay for Tim Horton’s. And we’re having pizza for supper.
Day 26 Results are in…
… and what do you know. Recovery time matters. 17.75 hours between classes is not long enough. I wimped out on several postures today, damaging my dignity slightly in front of a delectable new instructor.
I felt better though, after he ever-so-gently adjusted me into a better Spine Twisting Posture.
Such a nice boy.
For the record, those people who do two classes in one day, to make up for missing a day, so they don’t mess up their challenge? They must be nuts.